Cigarettes

     We used to share cigarettes, whenever she passed on to me, the filter had the mark of her lipstick on it. I complained about it a few times. It changed the taste of the cigarette, it just felt like I was kissing her indirectly.
      She had a habit of cutting off anything I say. I always make mistakes when I say something, I find it hard to put my thoughts in proper words, I don't even have a great sense of humour and my sarcasm is just awful but when I came to say things it just gets messed up.
Sometimes I came up with good things too but she
used to cut it anyway.
      One day I was drunk and I told her that stop doing it,
it makes me feel bad about myself. Just don't do it,
and she said I do it for you, I stop you from making fun of yourself in front of everyone.I don't care what people think of me, I don't care if they judge me, I just want you to stop criticizing me every time we talk. It got into a big argument and she said, "from now I am never going to tell you anything or stop you from doing it. Just do whatever you want".

     From then, we stopped talking, even we stopped sharing our cigarette. It's like we broke the connection of whatever we had.

     I started to guess her emotion on the pattern of her
smoking, like whenever she was angry she used to hold
her cigarette in between her thumb and finger hold it
backward close her palm and take a long drag. I don't
know I was correct or not but I looked at it in a way I
imagined or the way I wanted to see it.
From that day I never shared my cigarette with anyone. It felt like I don't want to share my other half with
anyone else, except her. I know it's a bad habit, but sometimes it even kills you. But what love does to you is even worse. I always treated love like a disease like I have to find it's cure. I was getting addicted to both cigarettes and love. They took control all over my mind, my emotions even my life and now I have to get rid of them and maybe one day for sure

Written by

Suraj_2310

Edited by 

Shruti Agrawal